About this blog.

My son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at 24 months. I created this blog to bring meaning to the often-confusing label. Sometimes I have answers. Other times, just more questions.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Evening of Diagnosis

January 28, 2008

Emotional devestation. Finally fall asleep, only to wake up, have it hit me, and sob.

This happens to other people. Not me. I always thought to myself - I'd rather have a Downs baby than an autistic. A Downs baby would be affectionate and would love me. Autistic children don't say "I love you." What do you do with that? To feel that planet of love for a child and never have that feeling returned to you? What could be more cruel?

3 comments:

Becca said...

I remember very well how bleak everything seemed three years ago, when the "A word" was first mentioned regarding my son.

But I do want to assure you of something: the idea that autistic kids are not affectionate, do not feel love or form bonds with other people, is largely a myth. There is a difference between struggling to express something and not feeling something.

So be assured that your son feels a planet of love for you as well, and as time goes on it will most likely become easier for him to show you just that. My son at age 2 was "tuning us out" most of the time, but at nearly age 5 he is much more engaged with us, affectionate, cuddly, loving, and fun. And from your description of Brad, our son is probably more "severely" autistic (whatever that means).

Contact me if you want to talk via email (through my blog) or even via phone. I know how damned hard that first year was, and if I can help you in any way I'd be pleased.

athena said...

To whoever may beleive that children on the autistic spectrum don't have or don't express emotions, I only have to say that my son not only hugs and asks to be hugged, not only tells me he loves me all the time and asks me to tell him I love him too, but he also hugs and kisses other children (those he likes) and once he told a little girl that he loves her! Children with ASD may not be as affectionate as other children, but they are affectionate too, in their own way. Some choose to express their feelings, some don't. I'm sure Brad will give you a big "I Love you, mommy" as soon as he is ready!

rainbowmummy said...

laura, you were dark at diagnoses.